Cathy's life celebration farewell, including poems.

Cathy and I had a very emotional relationship that was based on poetry. Actually it was the lack of poetry that got her emotionally fired up. Soon after we met she spotted a framed poem in my hallway titled, "What's a Rose without some Prose?" "When are you going to write a poem like that for me?" she would often lament. "Poetry doesn't just come mechanically" I would say, "It takes time to prime the emotional well-spring deep down inside the soul, then as it begins to fill, there is a trickle and eventually it bursts forth and begins roar and flow like a torrent, unceasing." "You can talk your way out of anything!" That was one of her favorite expressions. I would fire back. "It's hard to write poetry about a person and the joy they get from brushing their teeth!"

And so it began. Over the past four years the poetry did begin to flow, just in time for her 75 th birthday party, which some of you attended. Today I will read the slightly revised version. I changed the titles to reflect Cathy's boundless energy, vitality, those long legs previously mentioned, her gracefulness, and excitement about everything... Cathy reminded me of a thoroughbred filly, so I named the poem,

"Lansdownes Answer to Northen Dancer"

or if you like the shorter title, "Hot to Trot."

"Hot to Trot"

To music from B.G.'s "Staying Alive."

Well, you can tell by the way she uses her walk

That this lady can do much more than talk

Lansdowne born, but out of there fast

This gals set on a lifetime blast.

Gananoque was next, but way to slow

It's the big lights where she wanted to go

So, Kingston bound with husband at heel

It the beat of the music she wants to feel

A couple of kids, Pam and Jan

Lots of shopping to make them glam

Trips with friends to sunny climes

Keep making the money and save them dimes

Making dresses and doing the chores

A good twenty years but a bit of a bore

A change of pace was in the works

This lady's going meet some jerks

Two jobs and a chic new condo

Lots more travel but no one to bond to

So, put on the lipstick and a nice pretty dress

Hit Shirley's dance floor with some real finesse

Now life's going somewhere kinda nice

Lot of friends and fun in the condo life

And then, right there, out of the blue

Along comes Fred, "Well how do you do?"

So, here we are just'a looking back

It all went so fast-just clickety clack,

Today, family and friends have come to celebrate

One of the finest ever out of the gate, our Cathy

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The next poem, "Touched" gives tribute to Cathy's influence on anything and everything she put her mind to. Cathy was a master project manager. I was a project.

"Touched"

She gave me cookies, I thought I was special. She gave everyone she liked cookies.

She dressed up for me on dance nights She dressed up for every dance night with or without Me.

She planned trips with me to exotic places She went to them with her friends.

She told me I had nice clothes, She showed me how to buy better ones

She said I had a nice garden, It would look nicer with the right flowers.

Slowly but surely she crept into my life, not like a thief in the night

But like a fast moving glacier, touching everything

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Next, there was the poem written during her valiant battle with cancer, named "Love's Foundations." I shall just read you the last two lines.

I quoted them to Cathy everyday I saw her. The first line attests that she did have a huge influence on me, I had been listening. We would hold hands: I would say:

"You have given me a path to follow." Cathy would smile, knowingly.

When I quoted the last line she would squeeze my hands ever so, ever so tightly:

"From me draw strength in time of need."

At first, at Humber River hospital we thought the strength would be for her healing from her operation. In the last weeks at home and in St. Mary's it would be strength for the final journey she knew she would be embarking on.

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And now she is in the next dimension I have a little poem for her-remember her strong influence wherever she goes?

Cathy loved to brush her teeth

She liked to make them sparkle

Hark the herald angels sing

Gargle, gargle, gargle.

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And a recent poem, written since Cathy passed away-I've called it "Cathy's Touch."

"Cathy's Touch"

How can life just go on? Doesn't the universe know that we're hurting?

Someone we loved just passed away

And other people are flirting

What sense does it make to risk your soul?

To know it can be ripped apart

Why open the door to let someone in

To end up with a broken heart?

I'll tell you what I learned from my pain

That it's not about me, me and me

It's about what you can do

To make someone else be happy

That what Cathy did every day

Reached out and touched a soul

She never tired of giving of herself

Her gifts, her touch made people whole

When she knew of her body's mess

I asked what she was thinking

She said of all the people in her life

And how they had made her happy

They didn't know how treasured they were

How much they touched her heart

She found the good in everyone

And a caring friendship would start

So don't define why people make you mad

Ask why they give you happiness

And then in turn, let them know

Why in your life they are a blessing

Please add this to your approach

Make it part of daily living

You'll add meaning to Cathy's life

A legacy of unselfish giving

Fred, After

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And TODAY, when I go home there will be a new framed poem hanging in my hallway, and it will contain the short poem that I wrote in the last few days of Cathy's life, which we all could have written.

"I will miss you today,

But I will love you forever."

Thank you. End of my "Farewell to Cathy speech."

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The following poems have been written since Cathy left us.

Today is the day after the beautiful funeral service at Our Lady of Lourdes church with thanks to Father Brennan for his thoughtful and evocative summary of Cathy's strong faith and the support it provided her. Everyone tells me time will help. I find writing helps.

"Untitled, Unbridled Sadness"

My mind is in disarray today

The love of my has life passed away

Not today but a week or more

The agony feels so deep and sore.

The tears that often come and go

On a whim they start to flow

A thought of what might have been

Is all it takes to start a stream

Should I rail against the gods

Or rant and rave to any bod.

Who will take the time to listen?

To make the wet cheeks simply glisten

So dear reader, it shall be you

Who in your kindness without to do

Took the time to read this piece

And with that kindness bring me peace.

Fred

The next poem was for her close friend and neighbor, but can be for all her friends.

Blessed we were to share this love

A spirit so rare and pure

Never again, might we hope

Such a pain like this endure

Words alone such as these

Will simply skim the surface

Our deeds and acts they alone

Will give meaning and a purpose

So dear friend take my hand

Fear not that you are alone

It is with you I stand

For our friend in her new home.

In loving memory of Cathy, Fred

Cathy

Like a thief, fate stole her life

She was robbed

A door left open, in it came,

Struck and went and left naught but pain?

And what was in her life that we should know

A joy, vitality, a golden glow?

A thrill to wake up every day

Make the bed and up up and away

Lists of things, placed in priority

First things first, her soriorty

Get them done, don't hesitate

Strict on time and never late

Did she have a sense of urgency

Of an upcoming emergency?

That drove her hard every day

To get things done, put away

We don't know, yet can surmise

That fate's curse did truly surprise

She had thought through deeds and giving

She earned her place amongst the living

Then why we rail, did fate choose her to go

What purpose, what plan to show?

That naught it means to live quite rightly

That death is blind….it's mark unsightly

So, what did we learn from our dear friend

That it matters not what the end?

She left her mark and that's the core

Death missed that, we know for sure.

Fred

Feb. 7, 2017 As the month's go by the days are still long.

Waiting Time

Yes, I know how to 'fix myself'

But time has not yet assuaged

The guilt of things unsaid, that I felt

For which a price must first be paid

I strain to hold myself in check

Forgo the quick and easy fix

I heed not life's call and beck

Now or future, I stay here inbetwix

Fred

March 26, 2017. This is a song I wrote for Cathy and posted it in her memory at 6 months.

Cathy's song.

Today was our big day, really big day

I got on a stage and sang some songs

But perhaps you didn't know

Because you went away, you should have been there all along

It was you that encouraged me to sing

Because music was in your heart and soul

And now with that gift you did me bring

We have reached our common goal.

You wanted me to feel the music's beat

The way you did when we danced

And so I committed to learn just how

And the stage in Arden gave me the chance.

There were four other men that played along

Dave, Larry, Pat and Miles

I was a bit off key, forgot some words of all three songs

But someone clapped and others smiled.

I came off stage and drove on home

A tear trickled down, feeling really blue

I shouldn't have been there all alone

Cathy, today and this song are just for you.

Fred

Cathy - In Memoriam- one year. Sept. 26, 2016-17

A few 'friends of Cathy' gathered in her former condo building to share memories, photographs and stories. Fred created a book of poems he has written for Cathy (above) and distributed copies.

We regret a very small number of people were invited due to space limitations. We wish you could have all been there. We probably talked about you or saw your pictures with Cathy again. Copies of the two obituary notices Fred placed in the Frontenac News and Kingston Whig were on hand.

Thanks to Shelna our hostess and others who contributed a nice selection of finger foods, cakes and refreshments. Jane had saved a bottle of Cathy's famous home made wine and some of us sampled it bring back fond memories of Cathy bringing home cases every month or so. Others guests included Peter, Cathy's older brother and his wife Carol who drove in from Brockville; Joanne shared fond memories; Shirley Skinner and her partner Ernie. Shirley was instrumental in Cathy and Fred getting together at the dances. Mario and Mary came without their respective partners.

Letters of regret with warm sentiments were read out from Myra and John, Cathy's former neighbor and Cathy's travel partner to Arizona Barb Dafoe. Bill Drader, Marilyn and Suzzane were unable to attend. Shirley Skinner was presented her "Lifetime Achievement Award" for the third time in three weeks. The idea of the award in some form came from Cathy, Fred and friends a couple of years ago.

Fred visited Norma, Cathy's former neighbor and shared memories of the event with her in the evening.

If you are reading this, say thank you to Someone for the gift of life, and tell someone you love them. Fred

Nov. 10, 2017 Cathy's birthday today.

I danced with your memory today

celebrated your life on earth in a most pleasant way.

We had often danced just on whim

around the furniture and onto the deck.

life's so short, so what the heck.

You're still with me everyday through thoughts and things

touch points which smiles and tears gently bring

But despite the loss, regrets and wishes

the memories are rich and now spiritually delicious.

So my dear whereever you may be in this great eternity

It 's still your day, so a loving Happy Birthday!

In memoriam, Sept. 26, 2018

I let the date go by without haste to make a post

You know that you are still honored and missed

Time and circumstance fill the void of your loss

But time marches on in selfish bliss.

Nov. 10, 2018. Birthday thoughts.

Another milestone we would have shared

But now just conversations with friends suffice

They all still say how much they cared

We hope your place in heaven is really nice.

In Memeoriam, Sept. 26, 2019

Cathy, its now been three long years

Yet, every day in some small way

You touch our lives with joy and tears

But, you will never ever go away.

In Memeoriam, Sept. 26, 2020.

Cathy, a few of us shared a chat today of good times we had with you. We reflected on how much you added to our lives.

We of course are just a few of the hundreds of people whose lives you touched in a meaningful way.

You left your mark, how could we ever forget you?

Friends, if you are one of the many persons who knew Cathy you might think of something to do that Cathy would also do, and thereby honor her memory.

You have a long list to choose from. Go for a walk, open a bottle of wine, put on a Merle Haggard record, watch a good movie, read the newspaper from cover to cover, make yourself ;look nice, phone a friend in need, make a simple but tasty healthy meal, do the dishes right after eating, phone another friend, volunteer somewhere, get involved in your community, send a card and photo to someone, do some spring cleaning-anytime of the year, keep notes on where you went and what you did, go to a concert, have some people over for dinner, take a course, plan a vacation spot, put some money away for the vacation, send a personal greeting to each of your grandchildren, visit your children, throw a themed pot luck party, help your neighbor, pop in and see someone, visit a friend in a rest home, go shopping and buy yourself something nice, buy a friend something nice, bake some goodies and share them, start preparing for Xmas in January, polish everything in your home, make your bed really comfortable, have a nightcap, watch Nashville on Netflix, and end each day with a prayer of thanks.

Goodnight Cathy wherever you may be in this universe; you will always be in our hearts.

In Memoriam, Sept. 26, 2021

Cathy, we your friends, will carry memories of you with us until we join you. Bill and I will be sharing a dinner tonite and raise a glass in your memory. Myra and John shared their memories of you with me today. Shelna and I had a nice chat about you this morning. Shelna, Joanne and Jand I still do walks together; walking was your favorite activity. Norma, your dear friend and neighbor, and I still share Emails, visits and chats about you at her ane still socialize and will be reminiscing on your good times together at the condo. Shirley S. and I had a chat about the good old days today, when you were part of everything going on. Mary and Marilyn and I still get together and share memories of you - this week we had an outing with Kurt and Connie on Amherst Island. I still drive by your old house on Montgomery to swim at Wartman Park every week. Rolf (your upstairs neighbor) and I continue with our walks and talks through all the beautiful woodlands in and around Kingston. And the list goes on, as do our memories of you.

Thank you for bringing us all together.

In Memoriam, Sept. 26, 2022

Cathy: we lost quite a few of your dance companions and friends in the last year so we know you have some good company. Remembering your love of life brings us to a point of reflection of how blessed we are to have had you in our lives and still be able to share the memories with each other. Norma reached her 96th milestone this year and you of course are included in all our conversations. On more mundane matters; your car continues to work well. I strive to keep it looking as good as you kept it. The bodywork was professionally redone; the washing, waxing and interior cleans continue to challenge me and raise me to new plateaus of accomplishment. Your sense of fashion and appearance continue to prompt me revisit my wardrobe to purge and refresh. And oh, yes, I don't forget to wipe the bathroom sink counter off - every morning without fail. Gene Watson is still my favorite go to country and western singer, thanks to your bringing him into my life - I can now do a pretty good rendition of his, Fourteen Carrot Mind. The memory of your love of music and dancing have energized me many times to pick up the guitar or put on a great dance tune record. On that 'note' I am off to pick up the phone and share some more memories. Hope you are listening.